is so annoying. i dont know whether i have mentioned this yet, but i write stories, not like little fairy tales with a prince and a princess and he saves her blah blah. thats way too simple and boring. im more into the long, chapter, fantasy things. so the one im writing at the moment i reckon is my best one yet (apparently im good at it.. lol)
i write - not coz im nerdy (i hate being called that just because of what i like) - its to get my mind off the real world and make my own worlds, and just escape reality. but at the moment i have writers block. i have reached a point in my story where i cant go on, which means im stuck with frustration and reality (see post titled 'why is it so hard') so i just come on here instead.
ok, so...
school starts back on tuesday. ugh. how UNfun. ive got... umm... hahaha i cant even think of what i have. oh wait, ive got english... and HPE, science andddd ummm OH com tech! oh fun. actually yeah, thats not such a bad day. com tech's better than i have in my mind. anddd its gonna be raining apparently. i lovee rain. yayy!! so i think that tuesday'll be good. i hope it keeps my mind of things. i mean hey, what are friends and textbooks for aye?
wat good timing there is a good movie on tv now, and i have nothing else i can think to say so im gonna go!
byeeee
Saturday, July 11, 2009
why is it so hard?
ok. lets start at the very very very beginning, starting in about grade 3 or 4. i had my first crush. i couldnt stop thinking about him - ever. my friend got her first boyfriend. i was a bit jealous to start with, but got over that quickly. i was her support. i helped her think of what to get him for his birthday, when they had fights i would try help solve it, and when they broke up, i told her it would be okay, he was stupid anyway. and since then, that has been my position in relationships. the friend. but always liked that same guy, always just wanting to tell him so i could have what my friends had. years passed, and i had been there for my friends, all having bfs, then breaking up, bf, breaking up, bf, breaking up, jess always on the side lines, being the support, just wishing she could have the same as she saw her friends having. i know alot about relationships, but not from my own experience. ive seen it soooo many times with my friends i know it down pat. til grade 7 i still liked the same guy, through all of that. my friends convinced me it was love (lol). finally, i got the guts to tell him. i was so ready. i knew i could do it. so that night, i told him. he didnt reply for a while, but then he said - uh oh. and i was like oh crap. so i asked him what? and he said he liked me too (at this point i was sooo happy) but then he said that he liked this other girl as well, and (the worstt bit) she had asked him out that day at school. i was crushed. if only i had been quicker. i was absolutely heartbroken. i cried myself to sleep for at least a week.
but the whole friends going out with guys didnt stop. so i kept on going being the best friend, always there for them. i liked different guys from then, but got over them etc. now, this year, i finally find a guy i really like. michael. i thought he was absolutely perfect. he doesnt treat me younger than i am, he doesnt treat me like a girl, we get along really well, he doesnt keep stuff from me that he thinks i cant handle, he seemed perfect. then we confessed to each other that we liked each other, and were sort of like bf and gf for a while. i think about a month. i had waited so long for something like this. then i broke it off with him last night.
but wait!! before you start thinking, but she's crazy! he was perfect. yes, he was. but let me explain something first. i get these vibes from people. this may sound crazy, but i do. i can tell whether i like someone before i even talk to them, like my friends friend, i have never talked to her, but i have stood near her and i can just tell that i do not like her at all. but enough of that..............
with michael, in the movies a few days ago we held hands, and i thought it was the best thing ever. then after the movies, at home, i was thinking about it, and about michael, and just thought that this was all wrong. completely wrong. what was i doing?? the more i thought about it, the more i realised, michael's vibe was a friend one. the type i would get from one of my guy friends at school, and the more i thought about it, the more i realised, this relationship wasnt going to work out, even if it did start, it wouldnt last. just because i would have gone into it with a doubt.
i dont think michael realises how much i am sorry. i thought he understood, but noo. he showed me he doesnt, because he told me was a bit angry at me. yeah, he said he was more sad, but the angry bit shows me he doesnt understand. there is no way i would have just dumped him for no good reason. i would not, especially after all the heartbreak i had been through, i did not at all want to put someone else through it, and i thought so much about this before i did it. he just doesnt understand, and now i am actually quite annoyed with him.
its just frustratinggg. why does it have to be so hard to tell people how we feel, or dont feel?? *sigh*
but the whole friends going out with guys didnt stop. so i kept on going being the best friend, always there for them. i liked different guys from then, but got over them etc. now, this year, i finally find a guy i really like. michael. i thought he was absolutely perfect. he doesnt treat me younger than i am, he doesnt treat me like a girl, we get along really well, he doesnt keep stuff from me that he thinks i cant handle, he seemed perfect. then we confessed to each other that we liked each other, and were sort of like bf and gf for a while. i think about a month. i had waited so long for something like this. then i broke it off with him last night.
but wait!! before you start thinking, but she's crazy! he was perfect. yes, he was. but let me explain something first. i get these vibes from people. this may sound crazy, but i do. i can tell whether i like someone before i even talk to them, like my friends friend, i have never talked to her, but i have stood near her and i can just tell that i do not like her at all. but enough of that..............
with michael, in the movies a few days ago we held hands, and i thought it was the best thing ever. then after the movies, at home, i was thinking about it, and about michael, and just thought that this was all wrong. completely wrong. what was i doing?? the more i thought about it, the more i realised, michael's vibe was a friend one. the type i would get from one of my guy friends at school, and the more i thought about it, the more i realised, this relationship wasnt going to work out, even if it did start, it wouldnt last. just because i would have gone into it with a doubt.
i dont think michael realises how much i am sorry. i thought he understood, but noo. he showed me he doesnt, because he told me was a bit angry at me. yeah, he said he was more sad, but the angry bit shows me he doesnt understand. there is no way i would have just dumped him for no good reason. i would not, especially after all the heartbreak i had been through, i did not at all want to put someone else through it, and i thought so much about this before i did it. he just doesnt understand, and now i am actually quite annoyed with him.
its just frustratinggg. why does it have to be so hard to tell people how we feel, or dont feel?? *sigh*
Thursday, July 2, 2009
skinniess
omg i have to tell you!! yesterday was taylas birthday, and we went bowling, which i suck so bad at, but it was heaps of fun and i couldnt stop laughing. after we went to maccas 4 ice cream, then walked around hyperdome for a little bit, and went to jay jays (my favourite clothes place everr) coz i wanted to have a look at coloured jeans, and we tried some on, and i ended up getting....
BRIGHT RED ONES!! they are awesomeeee. i love them. i am wearing them now with my black mickey mouse shirt :P i have a plan to go completely embarrass my family at garbo and wear them and my bright yellow smiley face shirt. mua hahaha. i dont care if people stare at me, but my fashion loving grade 7 sister will! she hates it when i wear daggy clothes out, (not that these r daggy at allllll) but these r extremely bright and she will be embarrassed just walking with me looking like that!! i dont see her problemmm!! :D they match hehe. just extremely bright. im such a nice sister ayye. oh well, revenge for being such a stuck up bitch i guess =D
hehe
BRIGHT RED ONES!! they are awesomeeee. i love them. i am wearing them now with my black mickey mouse shirt :P i have a plan to go completely embarrass my family at garbo and wear them and my bright yellow smiley face shirt. mua hahaha. i dont care if people stare at me, but my fashion loving grade 7 sister will! she hates it when i wear daggy clothes out, (not that these r daggy at allllll) but these r extremely bright and she will be embarrassed just walking with me looking like that!! i dont see her problemmm!! :D they match hehe. just extremely bright. im such a nice sister ayye. oh well, revenge for being such a stuck up bitch i guess =D
hehe
wow havent blogged in agesss
wow!! i only just remembered i have this, and heaps has been going on, so i was like.. hmmm... might as well use it :)
well, its holidays, thank GOD!! there's still like a week left ( again, thank GOD!!) and ive practically been lazy XD i mean, what r holidays for?? watching movies, going to the movies with friends, going to friends houses, going to garbo, and SLEEPING!! and forgetting everything you learnt in maths last term :)
we've been going to netball games lately. (not my netball games, like actual proffessional netball - firebirds games) and we entered a competition to win a plasma tv one time, you know, why not!? and my sister won it!! my little sister who is in grade 5!! how cool!! it was a few weeks ago and we were all like yayyy we can watch state of origin on it, and its gonna be awesomee. but then we got it and the screen was cracked!! i was like arghh. but we r getting a new, hopefully not broken one, today :)
went to the movies to see transformers 2 on monday. its greatt!! loved it. i invited michael, coz we r kinda going out now ( so happpyyy ) but he hasnt actually asked me to be his gf yet... ( kind of annoying me, but thats the only frustrating thing ) but we both know we like eachother and like, practically bf and gf, like the whole goodnight text etc. i just reallyyyy want him to make it official and ask me. anywayyy, the movies was fun. we got there super early, and walked around garbo a bit. went to cold rock and cait got ice cream, which we al had a bit of. haha. and then in the movie everyone was like whispering to me to get closer to michael. and i was like noooo leave me alone. and then being the annnoyyinggg people they are they all moved over like 3 seats, leaving us just sitting there, and then josh would move over and tell me to get closer, and this happened heaps of times, with different people!! so frustrating, but i guess i didnt mind in the end. kind of one of those, 'get over it' things. but yeah, the movie was really good, and if u liked transformers 1, GO SEE NUMBER 2!!
all the telling me to get closer was all worth it... coz after it when we all stood up, he came over and put his arm around my waist... so i didnt mind. he asked me if i liked it, and i couldnt even think properly, i was more concentrating on his arm.. so i just said 'yeah, it was good' instead of 'omg it was awesomeee!!' how sad ayye.
well... i think thats it, so im gonna go now!!
bye xoxo
well, its holidays, thank GOD!! there's still like a week left ( again, thank GOD!!) and ive practically been lazy XD i mean, what r holidays for?? watching movies, going to the movies with friends, going to friends houses, going to garbo, and SLEEPING!! and forgetting everything you learnt in maths last term :)
we've been going to netball games lately. (not my netball games, like actual proffessional netball - firebirds games) and we entered a competition to win a plasma tv one time, you know, why not!? and my sister won it!! my little sister who is in grade 5!! how cool!! it was a few weeks ago and we were all like yayyy we can watch state of origin on it, and its gonna be awesomee. but then we got it and the screen was cracked!! i was like arghh. but we r getting a new, hopefully not broken one, today :)
went to the movies to see transformers 2 on monday. its greatt!! loved it. i invited michael, coz we r kinda going out now ( so happpyyy ) but he hasnt actually asked me to be his gf yet... ( kind of annoying me, but thats the only frustrating thing ) but we both know we like eachother and like, practically bf and gf, like the whole goodnight text etc. i just reallyyyy want him to make it official and ask me. anywayyy, the movies was fun. we got there super early, and walked around garbo a bit. went to cold rock and cait got ice cream, which we al had a bit of. haha. and then in the movie everyone was like whispering to me to get closer to michael. and i was like noooo leave me alone. and then being the annnoyyinggg people they are they all moved over like 3 seats, leaving us just sitting there, and then josh would move over and tell me to get closer, and this happened heaps of times, with different people!! so frustrating, but i guess i didnt mind in the end. kind of one of those, 'get over it' things. but yeah, the movie was really good, and if u liked transformers 1, GO SEE NUMBER 2!!
all the telling me to get closer was all worth it... coz after it when we all stood up, he came over and put his arm around my waist... so i didnt mind. he asked me if i liked it, and i couldnt even think properly, i was more concentrating on his arm.. so i just said 'yeah, it was good' instead of 'omg it was awesomeee!!' how sad ayye.
well... i think thats it, so im gonna go now!!
bye xoxo
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